i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
this hospital has no fireball
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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