i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When did angry sex become our thing?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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