butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
