Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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