I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
