peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
