You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
