How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize