Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
