so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
