did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
