My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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