I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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