Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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