fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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