I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize