I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
