It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
