Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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