2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
