Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
