I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
