I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
