imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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