Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
