I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
