I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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