There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Damn victory sex feels great
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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