Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
