I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
People in love make me want to vomit
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
