If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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