turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
