I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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