another moral hangover. fuck.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
this is an emotional support booty call
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
