Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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