You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He felt like a one man threesome
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
