Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
