you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
