He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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