sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
