remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
