how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I didn't notice because vodka
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
