I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
