If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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