You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
