My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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