Just fell off a train. Bad.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
