I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
