This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
