i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize