Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
