Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
