You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
