one might say we're banned from that church
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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