Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
