who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
