sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
