You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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