he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
