I am puke
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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