just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
