I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
