your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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