I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize