Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
