yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
