i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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