Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Drake has all the answers
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
