how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
