The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
