Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
