Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
