Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
