I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
