I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
