just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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