GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
