So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
