So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
