Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
