Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
