thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
