I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
