Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
