No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
