When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Randomize
