Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
