I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I am in a vortex of obligation.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
