I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
