I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
