Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize