What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
