the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
