I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
