Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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