i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
