You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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