Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
