Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
