remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
