Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
