Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
