my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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