I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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